<THOUGHTS

I want Inclusion
August 18 2013

Tonight a little hybrid girl showed up. I don't see the Aliens with my own eyes, but I see them mentally. They inhabit another world, another dimension of some sorts. That would be enough for most people to dismiss their entire existence, but the interesting thing is that they can bring me over to their world.

You are not my coffee. - says Hamish to me now in my native language

And when I am in their world, and it is not a dream, then I know the Aliens are real. It is we humans who are lacking. If we cannot explain everything in this vast universe with what we can see with our eyes or measure with our manmade instruments then we cannot limit our exploration of the world by saying that there cannot be more than what we can see. The Aliens come to us from some other reality. I don't know how it works, but I am the primitive man who cannot understand our more advanced visitors. I will not close my eyes and refuse to dive into this Alien contact, simply because I cannot share this with humanity as a whole, because their eyes cannot see my Aliens.

I am here, by the door. - says Malik in Reptilian form
Hello. Welcome. - me
We are here for our eggs, nothing else.. - Malik as the Black Reptilian
... Welcome anyways. Welcome here. Nice to meet you. I am glad to see you, it is a pleasure that you are visiting. - me
My eggs! NOW! - the Black Reptilian
... We are not visiting. And we are not guests. - the Black Reptilian

Little hybrid girl

The little hybrid girl was visiting, but somewhere else. She is a slender little thing, with pale gray skin. She clearly has no skeleton, her limbs and body are like a rubber puppet, as if bendable in numerous ways. The eyes are large and odd and difficult to look into, because they do not have the usual arrangement that we humans are used to seeing. It is not the whites with a central black pupil with clear contrast between black and white, nor is the colored iris clearly surrounding the black pupils for a splodge of colorful decorative beauty to look into. The Aliens of Thuban origin have strange goggle eyes. The entire eye is dark and color, there are no whites. The coloration blends with the dark brown and their eyes move clockwise and counterclockwise, one eye can move irrespective of the other. There is nowhere on the eye for humans to look at, to recognize the eyes of a face of a person. It is bizarre. But it is a girl.

She had been sent here to experience womanhood through me. It was never stated but by now I can sense what their thoughts and wordless communication are. They send these hybrid children here to see my naked ladyparts, or to watch me masturbate (I don't masturbate if they are watching), or later during abductions to get to use me in ways I am not even allowed to remember, nor do I want to remember.

This is not Malik! I am another one. - the Black Reptilian says
Oh! I do apologise! I had assumed wrongly that you were the same one as Malik! - me

The Dinosaur

I was using the bathroom when the Dinosaur showed up by saying "Dab Dab!" about the bath tub. It always wants me to bathe, because then they get to get a clear look at my naked ladyparts. They also hope that I will masturbate in the bath. Aliens sometimes gather around when I take a bath, but I use bath foam just for that reason and they can see nothing.

Dinosaur gazed deep into my eyes, and when he does, my mind connects with his and I feel what he feels. And in that deep contact with a Dinosaur, I get to borrow what his mind feels like, and feel that way with him for a while. I sense a greater intellect, someone whose mind is very sharp and focused. They are extremely intelligent, aware, and observant. But they also have a sense of humor and snicker at many things. Dinosaurs have big yellow eyes like citrine quartz, and under the eyes are deep pockets like a sleepy person. The body is narrow but the head is large and block-shaped. The body is a lime green mixed with various camouflage military green colours. They wear no clothes, and their toes and fingers are chubby.

The Dinosaur tells me that it will get larvae in return if it comes here to do this work.

I have already eaten them. - says Dinosaur
I am glad you got some food. Deb Deb! - me, and not sure if I used their words "Deb Deb" the right way

Hamish then said that the Dinosaur would be given "three" larvae/grubs if it does the work. I had then told Hamish that couldn't he get five larvae, if I wanted to give him an extra two.

How many larvae did you get? Did you get three like Hamish said you would? Or did you get five like I wanted you to? - me

Hamish had gotten upset because when Dinosaur said "Dab Dab!" about the bath, I had responded by saying "Dab Dab Dinosaur!" Hamish had thought I had honored the Dinosaur, but I explained to Hamish that no Dinosaur and me were only saying that a bath is good.

The Dinosaurs get big white larvae or grubs to eat as salary for their work. They also get to bathe if they do their job. Dinosaurs don't want to do work unless motivated. They are not that interested in what they do. I told the Dinosaur that I would help him do his work, that me and him would work together so that it would all go smoothly and swiftly and he could get his larvae as salary.

It was clear from Dinosaur's communication to me that he is here as, what I called him as, "ob-gyn". He asked me if I was afraid of him, or that he told me not to be afraid, and I had said I am not afraid, because he is a doctor. He had thought that was great when I said that and he was pleased, in that typical Dinosaur-kind of pleased when they are likely to say "Righteous!", or "Jovially!" I told him I would trust him and that I see he is knowledgeable. He spoke in the wordless alien language things about my ladyparts, about masturbating me with some stick inserted into me and things of that nature.

Black Reptilian

I told the Aliens that I wanted to stay awake during abduction encounters, and I tried to express to them how sad it made me to miss out on our contact. I know they could keep me awake for abduction encounters, I know that they pick me up every

We are not very gentle here. - Black Reptilian
I don't mind. I seem to survive every morning and am returned back home safely. - me
Yes, but for them. - Black Reptilian indicates to the Dinosaurs
Don't hurt the Dinosaurs, please. - me
We don't want to take you to the tent. - Malik or Black Reptilian
I want to visit you all. It is my greatest wish in life. - me
You won't be courageous enough. And you are not our black panther. But we need you to be. - Black Reptilian
I want to visit, and I am courageous. Do you think I am afraid of what you look like? I have already seen all of you. I want to visit, consciously. And as we talked about, I would stop eating sugar, I would promise you that. Please? - me
Don't say "please" to me, my rat. - Black Reptilian
I mean you no harm, I only want to help. And I want to stay awake for it too. - me
We are not very gentle here. We harm your child and pyy-pyy. - Black Reptilian
I am not afraid. I already know what you do. I already know everything. I have been awake a few times. - me

We don't have any testicles. - says Pakeha now
I know that, Pakeha. And like I told you earlier today, I don't have any either. - me
But you have eggs. - Pakeha
And you are courageous! - Pakeha or Hamish
I want to visit. - me
First we begin by taking something out of your stomach. And then we move on over to your butt. And then! We are finished! - Pakeha
Is that all? Just stomach and fecal samples? Is that everything for tonight? I have been awake for that plenty of times! And it was fine. And I miss having contact with you. I feel like dying when I can't see you all, and I feel so alive when I am with you. Why is that? - me
Because you miss having us like a mother. Because your mother was never there for you. - Pakeha
What? Are you making things up? - me
No, we became like a surrogate mother for you. - Pakeha
Oh. Is that why I always longed to live out in space? - me

I had asked and pleaded for the Aliens to let me have conscious encounters. I so long to have quality time with them

Your heart won't need to rest. - says Pakeha otherwise Hamish, but I think it was Pakeha

They know about my heart trouble that I had a few months back earlier this year, but that was because of all the child pornography things that they forced me to see and take part in. I hate to say that because I feel like FBI will come storming through the door and have me arrested just for saying that,

You are not our dog then. - Pakeha or other ET not Hamish

But I am not to blame. And I have done everything humanly possible to stop them from doing it. It even caused me heart trouble just to think about it, to the point where every time I see those hybrid children I am so stressed out I nearly have a nervous breakdown. So you could not ask more of me, I have tried to stop it and I have rejected it to the point of nearly dying from it. That is all I can do. I tell them that the children are too young, even if their hybrids mature far sooner, I still recognize their bodies as small and I can only assume that their minds are also still growing. So it is wrong. They are Alien beings, they do everything differently and they do many things wrong. I expected Aliens to be different, but I never expected all these atrocities and breaches of taboos, moral sense, and laws.

Black Reptilian had shown up and he rarely visits. He is a black reptilian. He is not a Snake-type Reptilian, like Snake is. Snake has a narrower head and tight flat scales, but the Black Reptilian has a wider head and his scales protrude a bit like porcupine spikes in the same way that Hamish's does. His eyes are black, and his eyelids

We smell really bad. - says Black Reptilian
And we don't want to take a bath there. - Black shows me our bath tub in a mental image
You don't have to bathe or wash up, I know that Reptilians are fragrant. I have smelled them before, and I do not mind. - me
Sometimes it makes human men vomit. - Black says while I am still in the middle of my last sentence
I won't vomit I promise. - me
How do you know? - Black
I will try not to. And my stomach is really strong! - me
We won't give you any bisquits! - Thuban lady shows me one of those literally animal crackers that they always reward me with if I am compliant and nice. I don't recall eating one though. She was not angry when she said this, more happy and encouraging.

The Black Reptilian was here to check on me. He called me dog and things of the usual nature. I asked if he needs to be honored? I told him that he seems assertive so I would honor him. Hearing this made him so pleased that his eyelids closed up, like Hamish's does when he is smiling, and I could feel

Can we flush something here? We have some hairs on us. - Black shows me our toilet and like he is about to drop down one of my golden hairs into the toilet, where did he get that from?
Yes. You may flush something. Go ahead, you may use the toilet. - me

And I felt his sensory euphoria that washed over him, having been honored by someone.

We don't have our weapons with us, but we have got a gun. - Black
I am fine with that. I know that you have to stay safe. - me
We?!?? We are protecting our children? - Black

I may have threatened to cut the hybrid children's fingers off with scissors and stabbing them in the brain through their eye with a sharp object if they touch me sexually. What would you do when nothing else works and... children are breaking all laws and sending you... to a world where all mental stability evades you as the world comes crumbling down and you are so upset that there is nothing else to do, and the only way to save yourself from internal agony and demise is to push the children away, by any means possible.

You are not our giraffe at the zoo! - says a hybrid girl with yellow hair she is pleased when she says this

Anyway. The Black Reptilian was here to visit. He seems to be the one who has to decide whether to let me stay awake there or not. I had wondered if this was the same one as Malik, if he shows himself in a more "presentable" Black Reptilian form when he knows I will be watching, and whether Malik's normal black Gremlin form was something I only see when he didn't mean for it. For here just a while ago he had said that he is not Malik. So maybe he is an Orion lizard. Who knows, they don't always tell me names and such.

The Hybrid Lady

And then had shown up a hybrid woman who was ever so delighted to see me and she was saying how I was her "cat". This time, and perhaps it is for the first time, I was willing to let an Alien consider me a "cat". In the past it has always made me furious and aggravated, for one because they've used it as a racial remark to patronize me and put me down and second because they've used the "cat" term to ask my role to be some sort of sexual creature for the hybrid children to look at. So I've always rejected the cat term being used, but this was an adult hybrid lady so nothing sexual could be implied. And it was also not too overly racist or rude, so I let her have it. I said to her that sure I would be her cat.

I can't tell you what it is like to have another conscious intelligent creature look at you with the same kind of fascination that we humans have toward our cuddly pets and animals. I was something exotic and marvellous to her. She wanted to look at me, and I know she would have wanted to touch me as well. She was delighted to see me.

So you wouldn't eat any sugar if you come here? - Black Reptilian
Yes. That was the plan. If you give me conscious abductions then I will stop eating sugar. I only want to have contact with you all, and it pains me that I am missing out because you keep me asleep. I am not afraid of you all, I am not afraid. - me
Yes, the Dinosaur said that you weren't. - Black
We haven't had many humans visiting here in an awake state. - Black
So, do you please forgive us for taking your eggs? - Dinosaur
I forgive you, if you let me be part of this from now on. Don't steal me when I'm sleeping, and don't make me forget. I REALLY want to have conscious meetings with you all, I think it is great! Think of when the hybrid children get to go to their fair to play after they have been compliant. For me to see you all is like getting to go to the fair. It makes me happy. - me
You have our twelve strands. And you are our monkey. So! That is why you are here! And. Don't desist/resist. - Black
I want to visit, please. I only want to see you all. Let's try it, one time! And if I cause any trouble then we won't do it again! - me
If you want to visit him, ... - Black shows me Hamish
I love Hamish. *I want to Honor his scales.* - me
He won't tremble for you. - Black about Hamish
Hamish doesn't tremble, because I don't have any power. - me
You will have to play with those kids. - Black shows me a hybrid child on the floor with toys
I can play with them. *But not sexually.* - me

The Hybrid Lady and me spoke, and I asked her if she was a woman, because she seemed like a woman, just the radiance or something. She said that she is not a woman, because she has no eggs or was it uterus. She said that I am a woman because I have those. She told me she is a hybrid.

Andrew and Pakeha

Pakeha is one of the main features lately. He is a Thuban hybrid. Thubans are the white praying mantis, but they say they are dolphins. Pakeha has the white Thuban skin and the Thuban goggle eyes, but he is upright standing rather than the grub-like body of a Thuban, and he has normal fingers and hands instead of the Thuban boomerang praying mantis arms. Pakeha is some kind of worker.

We are not with animals, then. - says Pakeha
I know you consider me an animal. And it is not fair. You have so many alien races there - me
Yes but we are all wise. - Pakeha
Am I not wise? - me
Not by our standards. - Pakeha
I want you to think of me as a person. I don't want you to put me down all the time. I am not as stupid as you think. It is rude when you treat me like a creature. - me
We don't want to do it. But we must. - Pakeha
Why do you have to? - me
We have been treated, rudely too. - Pakeha
By the Reptilians? - me
Watch it. Now. - Hamish
Hamish! My Hamish! - me
I don't have my leg left, he will say. - Hamish about Pakeha, with mental image as if somebody would have bitten off Pakeha's one foot and part of lower leg and he stood with only one foot on the ground

But Pakeha shapeshifted today into Andrew. I watched as he gradually morphed his image into Andrew. In my early teens I had alien visitations by the Zeta Greys, but then the alien contact seemed to vanish for the next ten years or so. Instead I got military and men in black visitations and abductions. Andrew was one of the regulars. He was the youngest of the men visiting. He has orange-red hair, glasses, and he was Jewish. He was so cruel and rude I can't even tell you how he agonized me all those years.

I actually found out that Pakeha was Andrew some time ago. The Aliens used to shapeshift into humans in their interaction with me.

Aliens and Abductions

I really want to visit in the conscious awake state. It burdens me to know that I have fantastic alien encounters that I am not aware of. So me and Black Reptilian were talking here earlier about if I get to have conscious visitations then in return I would stop eating sugar. They want me to not eat sugar because if I eat sugar it ruins my genetics in the eggs for them for a few days after that. I would do almost anything, even to stop eating sugar if I could get to see them.

I get to know these Aliens mostly during daytime conversations and glimpses I see of them in the other dimension. Hamish is here all day of course. Today there was a turtle on television and Hamish got keen and said he wanted to watch it. Hamish started by showing his power to the turtle, even though he wasn't in direct contact with it. Seeing an image of a turtle instills in him the same behavior as if he were having a close encounter. He made a type of exhale that I know means he is showing power and demanding respect and honor. Then he asked if the turtle has "eggs". Isn't he cute?

I want to cry and throw a temper tantrum like a silly little girl and throw pillows at my assailants all because they don't let me stay awake and remember the encounters. They are my friends and I love them all.

Hush Hush! - says one of the hybrids to me
Hush what? - me
We are not here! - says the hybrid happily, they are here of course
I see you! - me

We the Aliens and me actually have a very rocky relationship. I don't know if it comes across in our daily notes and things but there is a huge rift between us. The rift consists of the Thubans' arrogance and racism against me, as well as my hurt from all the pedophilia and rapes and molestations, well that's the simple way of putting it. Then there's more of course, that explains it, but there's a rift between us. A distance, a cold cruel distance.

We don't want you to know when we touch you! - says Dinosaur or other ET with image of their chubby white fingers
I don't mind being touched by aliens! I remember in my teens when Zeta Greys would touch me on my body and I could feel their fingers on me. Do you have any idea how wonderful it is to be touched - me
What about with our device? - one of the ETs
I don't mind devices. Or Aliens touching me. It is wonderful! It is the best. - me
You are not our giraffe! They say! - the hybrid girl who said Hush Hush earlier and giraffe earlier than that

The Thuban caretakers show the hybrid children videos of giraffes and they are told that humans like me are animals at the zoo like a giraffe. They also tell the kids that I am a cat to be petted, but they use this one for sexual context. That is why the MKULTRA uses the Beta Cat thing. It is offensive. They could just say that I am human and let us interact on normal terms. They create these artificial arrangements in which a human can be seen as something other than what it actually is, tailored for the specific purpose that the human is needed for at the time. We are cats when we need to be touched and petted and cuddled, and we are giraffes when we need to be looked at like animals at the zoo. When do we get to be humans? When do I get to teach these children the things that we humans can impart on them, our way of life, our wisdom, our morals?

Humans handled by Aliens who know nothing about our sexuality, motherhood, womanhood, sex, pregnancy, and so forth. They have taken human reproduction and they are using it in their experiments. They want to make Thuban hybrids that are fertile, that have eggs and sperm and a scrotum and uterus. And then they so bravely tamper with these things, knowing not - or caring not - of the harm they can cause if handled improperly.

They could have involved me in a sexual and reproduction programme without it ever hurting me. Without all the tantrums, without all the agony, without the heart trouble and nervous breakdown I had earlier in the year. I could have been a mother to these children. I could have found ways to have sex, gently, with some of the adult ones, both humans and hybrids. I was willing to give and give, to be there for them. To welcome these Aliens into my heart, my life, my body, my womb, my eggs, my DNA. When I had sex with the chubby Illuminati hybrid men, I did not call that rape. I did not go hysterical. I said it was sex. And it was great. When I first met with those chubby Illuminati hybrids, I was hysterical because they were so scary-looking, like corpses from the morgue, like science experiments gone wrong. But I called them my Brothers, and I got to know them and now I love them. "Hello Brother! I love you!", I say whenever they visit.

I got used to Reptilians and all kinds of Aliens. And when the children first visited me, I welcomed them into my home. I let the Aliens see me in the bath, to look at everything I did, to talk to me so much. I gave them everything and more, and they chose to be a racist, to put me down, to rape and molest. There was no way for me to align with what they do. I could have let them do sexual things to me, but they managed to find ways to use it harmfully. As if they intentionally wanted to agonize me, to hurt me, to cut me into pieces and dissect every minuscule aspect of a human just to see what would cause us to incinerate from the torment.

My dream is to get to see them consciously. To get to nurture my relationships to them. To make friends and family with them. I want to be awake, every night, with them. I adore all of them. My angry Lady Thuban Auntie who is the meanest woman I ever knew, but I love. Pakeha who has been the mean and horrible Andrew, but I can love him too. Everybody. My Aliens. The worst thing they ever did was to cut me off.

No, you can't touch her, not until you are an adult. - says Black Reptilian to the girl who's been here, the one with yellow hair who talks about giraffes, who is not the same as the rubber hybrid girl from earlier than that

This is directly from what I've been saying to them. I am so proud. I keep telling them the children can't touch me until they are adults. I am so glad that they listened.

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