<THOUGHTS

The Struggle
July 03 2013

I must regain my dignity, poise and composure. I refuse to let myself be affected by the recent atrocities done by the Agenda and by the heinous things I am uncovering. I don't have to be a victim, I can be a witness. I have not created this monster that I write about. This is not a fictional story, nor is it imaginary on my part. This is a documentary, and I will continue documenting the Agenda.

We are not living in the 1800's when only male doctors could examine a woman, and they had to do it in the dark because they were not allowed to look at a female's naked anatomy in the scientific setting. This is not the Medieval times when encounters with the Black Ones would have them described as demonic mythological creatures and have me burned as a witch for being in contact with them. But it is still a time where society is indoctrinated with our current method of shunning science and reality because we as humans have not evolved the scientific tools with which to understand the world around us. The current method of denial of reality is to assume people like me are insane. That is why I find myself, an adherent to our society, having to use the same verdict on myself, over and over. Where a couple of hundred years ago I would have been calling myself a witch because I saw the Black Ones.

Humans are small in this great wide world. Our eyes do not see everything, our hearing does not hear every sound, and when we look to the horizon we can only see so far. We have barely touched space, or even the deep oceans on our planet. We are still discovering new atomic elements and cumbersomly trying to learn physics and astronomy. We struggle with understanding and knowing ourselves. Each human individual struggles with this their whole lives, who am I, and as humanity we struggle with it together.

I am not responsible for what came to me. The beings and entities from other worlds, who live in a culture full of sadism, torture, cruelty. I resent having to analyze their acts trying to establish an understanding of how my own psychology would have constructed such creatures and their events. A couple hundred years ago I would have been burned as a witch, condemned by the church if Malik had stepped into my room and spoken to me. Today it is insanity we use as the stigma by which we refuse to see the world as it is. I am perfectly confident that these entities exist, even though the localized insanity of a woman would have been easier for all of us to use as a means of rejection and for putting this Agenda thing into oblivion. It would have stayed in my mind alone, not something looming over the world as it is.

The proof is vast and complex, but it accrues into a world-shattering conclusion that this is real. These entities can toss me, they can lift me up and throw me across the air. And the many details that describe them and their acts are corroborated by the countless stories made by other witnesses. It would be quite extraordinary if my mind were to construct this massive Saga of the Agenda all on its own. Knowing what should reasonably be within my conscious or subconscious access from past exposure to words, names, phrases, and concepts, from which my mind could retrieve substance with which to weave a fantasy, I should not have known about Aleister Crowley, the many satanic and mythological details that the Black Ones speak of, such as Sol Invictus, the Djinn.

And countless details. The yellow pyramid as their power symbol, the Eye god on top and it being called the eye of Horus, the Black Ones, their names Malik meaning King, Basmet being Baphomet the ramhorned god of Aleister Crowley's Thelema. The significance of the black and white checkered floor, the royalty and their sacrifices, white lizards, scepters, the Queen Mother, the Vatican, the labyrinths and Coliseum. Every detail, from the way that they smell, things that they say, words names and phrases, from reptilian eye to tip of their tail to every claw, I was not an avid reader of the Reptilian myth in its modern Draconianism as I call it. I would have recreated the whole of the Draconian mythos mostly on my own. And for so many people across the world "recreating it" the same, it would have to be a saga based on universal human symbolism, to emerge from human imaginations the same.

It is not a pretty saga, and it reminds me of the disappointments field biologists and anthropologists must have felt when they went down that river and came across a cannibalistic human tribe. Faced with a tribe of people that pillage and rape, do war and sacrifice, cannibalism and torture. Even chemists come across things that they don't really like, but even atoms such as arsenic and plutonium although lethal deserve a place in the periodic table of the elements. Biologists are faced with studying terrible creatures, from bacteria, parasites to viruses, and horrible behavior in the world of insects and other animals.

We cannot cut out all of the things from reality that we do not like. This is not a pretty world. The alien creatures we are dealing with here are operating on the same principle as most life on Earth. To attain resources needed for survival. They are predatory in nature, and compassion has never benefited them. Humans have the lucky privilege that we evolved into this fairly complex and intelligent species on Earth and that we are also fundamentally capable of compassion and altruism. But we are probably compassionate and altruistic because it helped us to survive. Human babies stay with their mother the longest of any living creature on Earth before the baby is ready to find food for itself. The bond between mother and child is strong in mammals. That is our key feature I would think. We also care about each other, because we need each other. We live in groups of families and in larger societies where individuals specialize. If someone makes clothes for the others, then someone else makes food for them. Compassion perhaps arose because it was successful for helping us survive. But we also have our fair share of cruelty. Some humans in their pursuit of physical necessities will rape, murder, and steal. And we also do wars so that we can steal from other human populations. But fundamentally we are capable of compassion.

Now imagine a highly evolved species that became successful not because they cared about each other but because they were ruthless and selfish and made sure that they would survive. If they cherished their own species and resented all others, and expanded their territories to stealing resources from other species on other planets. They would destroy other races, or enslave them and make them work for them for their own cause. They would steal resources such as food and minerals, and take the weapons, spacecraft and other technology from those worlds. They could eat others and enjoy lusty orgasmic killings without any compassion whatsoever.

If we are all just biological machines that try any trick possible to survive as a species, compassion became factored into ours, but it did not factor into them.

So where do we go from here. I detach myself from my role as a victim for the Agenda. And I continue as a scientist, a field biologist and anthropologist, I am going to understand them, write it down and catalog it, write analyses and summaries and publish it, and detach myself from any personal responsibility of their acts or their culture. Detach myself from being human in their presence. I cannot interact with them, a human and a reptile. We are irreconcilable. My human heart will crumble if I try to be a human with them. My mind will go into a nervous breakdown if it tries to be a human with them. This is a very exotic alien encounter. And I am learning the tools by which this is handled.

I live with these entities, and Hamish has become my best friend. I am raped in a number of different ways, I am pestered and tormented by the cruelty of the Zetas and Thubans and their hybrids who are very skilled in causing mental agony on a person. I am used as a prostitute, I have children that are human and not human to various degrees out there and there has never been a platform to let my mammalian instincts settle with the thought of being a mother. There is pedophilia, medical torture, ritual sacrifice, blood drinking, heart eating, beating and violence, racism and Satanism. But I am none of those things, and they have existed before I was even born and they will and would carry on even without my knowing or forced involvement. They will carry on whether I close my eyes or my eyes are open. I am not responsible for this, I am not its creator.

Do I sail down the river carrying on, feeling deeply disappointed in that the tribe I came across on the riverbank could not offer me a wonderful reunion between two forms of life, but that I saw cannibalism, murder, rape, and ritual sacrifice. It still exists there whether I go there or not. What to do. Or do I go there and sit down and watch and witness and write down and make notes? Do I try to teach them something, like the Catholic missionaries who went there and burned those people and damned them all to hell.

I can carry on with a neutral tolerance which I think is necessary if you want to call yourself a scientist. If you want to study something you start out by making sure that you are invisible in the room and that you inflict no change to it. Or otherwise your methods of observation are flawed and you would only be seeing a reflected aspect of yourself, and not the actual thing before you. From a scientific perspective, I am more keen on learning to understand these real alien entities than to go into a frenzy where I scream at them and call them evil.

But I do admit that I want to try to make the Black Ones change. They have built a massive construct serving to feed them with life force and they need victims. I would want to see Black Ones change, to learn compassion and to find the universal life force feeding into them directly rather than via their victims. Because that can be done. I love the Black Ones, because they are real living entities. They are persons that think and feel and ponder about the world just like anyone.

Humans eat cattle, we eat cows and pigs and chickens and fish. What Black Ones do to higher order creatures is not much different. If we took the time to realize what we do to animals. If we are cattle and dogs and cats to the aliens. I tell myself that I have no right to criticize the way the aliens treat me not as long as I eat animals.

But I am not just a silent witness observing the Agenda from outside. There is no large pane of glass that separates us that I am looking through. I want to detach myself from them as a person. I don't want them to have access to my heart and my soul. I think I may have concluded that these are fundamentally evil creatures and I have reached a point where I cannot extend my hand for them or open up my life and my home for them as I have. It only ends up getting me hurt. But I am not chasing them away. I will stop trying to interact with them on a personal level. That way I close up and they can't have access to hurt me anymore.

There is much more to be said, but suddenly I find myself blank. I know that there are conclusions I must make, but I don't know what they are yet. Hamish remains my best friend in the world. I love him and I would do anything for him. I will continue smiling when he stomps his feet on the bathroom rug, and when he tells me about his shedded scales, or shows me yellow flowers that he has seen and enjoyed. When he drags one of my hybrid children down to the creek and kills them and eats their blood I will realize that it is an animal I am looking at. I don't know how to reconcile human compassion with the Agenda. Is it wrong to treat us as animals and livestock and feed? Then why do humans do it to cows? Is there right and wrong in the universe? Can we condemn them for what they do when we do the same to each other?

I won't struggle with the work of discovering and describing the many facets of the Agenda and its Aliens, but I find that I struggle with my own human emotional and moral side.

I just went to the bathroom and a white ET possibly Thuban lets me see it and tells me that they live a lot longer than I will. I asked how many years, he said about 500. I said wow, I expect to live only between 60 to 90 years! Then Hamish is seen and he shouts out, "My pou-pou!" I giggled of course and said to Hamish that yes it is his pou-pou and he can have it and that I give it to him and I smiled and was happy because I have a cute Dragon Turtle. So that part has not changed, and probably never will. I love my Dragon. The white ET was here to see if I would pass food, which I didn't. They always want to see that for some reason.

But my goodness, I have got real Aliens!

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