<THOUGHTS

My Monster
July 19 2013

I just finished watching a movie. It is called Storage 24 and I think it is a British movie. Some people are stuck locked in a storage facility and there is an alien monster on the rampage killing everyone. The alien reminded me of Hamish. There are many similarities to the look and appearance of Hamish.

My thoughts during the movie. "Why doesn't anybody talk to the alien?", I wondered. Why is it in movies the aliens are always monsters and unable to communicate with the humans. To get to know each other. To reach some type of friendship. Had that been Hamish and me, I would have seen into his soul and he would have spoken to me. He would have become the love of my life, had it been me and Hamish.

I wasn't locked down there, I said. I am only here for eggs. - Hamish says now, who had been watching the movie with me too
There was no iron there, I said. - Hamish with thought image of one of the locker rooms in the movie
I wasn't fighting with it. - Hamish who saw the monster on the video screen here on this page

When the movie had finished Hamish said: "I have to ask you of a favor. Tell it that it cannot be in the movie.", said Hamish for me to tell the monster, in spite of the fact that before the movie started I had told him

It was almost like a pumpkin. - Hamish thinks about how the monster's face compares to the face of a carved pumpkin, which he fears
Hamish, Darling. The monster isn't real. It was just a movie, a fiction, a puppet. It was just for entertainment. Don't be afraid. - me

I had told Dragon that I was about to watch a movie and for the Aliens not to be afraid, that it isn't real. When Dinosaur saw the first image before we hit play which had some bars in the storage room, Dinosaur said "Dab Dab" and got sad and said that it reminds him of the prisons they live in. "Dab Dab", I said to Dinosaur, and regretted that they have to live that way.

After the movie had ended Hamish thought about the white toy dog with lit fireworks that skipped down the hallway. I told Hamish that it was made to distract the monster, that the humans were afraid of the monster that was going to kill them. Hamish then said, "Did it want eggs?", and Hamish said that he was sure the monster was after eggs.

This is Jack. Don't make jokes about them. - Jack with the NASA team
I am not. I love my Dragon more than anything. You should know that by now Jack. - me
The aliens are soliciting Jack for his privates. They want him to take part in the genetics projects. The aliens always bother Jack and ask him to undress for them. This isn't the first time.
Leave the man alone. - me to the Aliens about Jack

If I weren't able to talk to Hamish, he would have been as scary of a monster as the monster in the movie was. I would have feared him in the night when he comes to visit. I would have been afraid when Hamish the Dragon Turtle tosses me around in bed, when he pulls me up on all fours, when he slaps me around, or pushes me against the wall.

I am only here for eggs. - speaks Dragon Turtle with those two yellow bulging eyes

I would have feared him. It would have been a nightmare. So it is perhaps the unknown that scares us humans. The unknown which makes an alien monster scare us.

What were those lights for? - Hamish
What lights, Darling? What lights? - me
The ones that were there. - Hamish
Where, Hamish? In the movie? - me
This was Pakeha and me. - Pakeha probably
Hello Pakeha. How are you doing. - me

The first time when I saw Hamish, I wasn't afraid. A big red imposing Dragon Turtle entered my bedroom. He stood there as if he owned the place. As if he were the new King in town. He was there and his presence claimed the place, it claimed my life, and he would also come to claim my body and eggs. He has been with me ever since.

He taught me to honor him, to call him my King, and he taught me his dominating life and hierarchy. He inserted himself into my life. He followed with me to school. He was with me every morning when I woke up, and with me when I went to sleep. With me in the bathroom, watching me when I took a bath. He watched me cook and eat my dinners, do my laundry. He told me that he didn't like music, so I turned music off. I stopped using tealight candles, because he didn't like the fire. I never had to open my door for him because somehow he found his way in anyway, but I did open my heart to him.

Our time together in the beginning was much different from what it is now today. We had what I call a "rough honeymoon period". The first time together was rough. He was very dominating, rude, fierce, and imposing. He placed many creative verbal threats about ways in which he could kill me, or his thoughts about strangling me. He pushed and tossed my body around, he would pull me up on all fours to dominate me, and he would exhale his Dragon breath of sulfur while he did so. He interrupted my every sentence or thought to him, by reminding me that I must "honor" him. "It is called my Honored!", he would say, in case that I forgot.

I am not made out of socks. - says Hamish now and shows me his two flat fire engine red duck feet
I know Hamish. I am sorry that I call you that. I honor your race and scales. I love you Turtles. - me
Hi we are with the Board. - a Board member of the Benevolent ETs in the other language

How would a scary monster from outer space, such as the one on that movie Storage 24, approach a human? If they had to work together with humans? If their work mandated their presence being with a human woman all day and night long? While Hamish instilled his own special culture that is so based on dominance and rule, he also had to figure out a way to earn my trust. And he chose to do that sexually.

Our first time together was on one hand rough and verbally abusive but on the other hand it was very lusty and sexual. The details will be given explicitly in the sequel Letters to SETI books, because I wrote about it to SETI.

I was never afraid of my Sock Turtle when he first appeared. Nor was I afraid when he tumbled me around, and made me honor him. And the sex we had was very intimate. It wasn't physical sex, as there was no penetration involved. But it was tantric sex and very intimate. Closer than I have ever been with a human. His bright fire engine red scales against my body. His hot sulfuric breath breathing at me. Yellow bulging eyes with a vertical brown or dark red slit instead of the round dark pupils I am used to seeing on an intimate lover. Black dragon claws on his fingers, and body that is scaly. A turtleshell hump back, and a tail. Blunt orange bumps in two neat rows along his forehead toward the end of a long tubular neck. Blunt orange bumps covering his arms, that sometimes burst oozing a sticky liquid that glows neon orange in the dark. His smell, his colors, his presence, but his persona. I got to know Hamish for who he is.

We are stepping here because we want our eggs. - says Hamish
Yes Hamish. And I love you. - me

The most intimate love I have ever known, has been with Hamish. Although our relationship is not necessarily a sexual one.

I would call it, between master and pet. - Hamish
I would call it, woman and Dragon. - me

The deepest friendship I have ever had, or probably ever will have, is with Hamish. There is a deep intimate understanding between us. Sometimes we breathe in sync, and all is quiet but for the breathing of a Dragon, and my chest moves with his in unison because we feel each other. Our thoughts align, and we become something together. So close is the telepathic connection that he enables. Telepathy can be more than just words. It sends you the thoughts of a Dragon, but there are more than just thoughts in a Dragon. There is

Is there lust? - Hamish
Yes. There can be lust sometimes. - me
We don't want to have any. - Hamish
Why not? - me
... My tomato. - Hamish in other language

There is the heart and soul of a Dragon. The feelings that he has. What his feet feel when they touch against a surface. The feeling when his eyes blink or close. The breathing of a Dragon. His every thought and sensation is transmitted to me. I am in his scales and in his back, his turtleshell back hump and in his tail and eyes when we are close. And I have never been that close to someone.

Why don't humans ever talk to aliens in the movies? Why are they all just running around misunderstanding one another? What if the monster was scared and therefore killed those humans? What if the human could reach through to him and talk and they would see each other as living beings and somehow live together, through one another? I deceive myself that Hamish would somehow love me. That he would somehow cherish some inner qualities in me that he might have seen. He is only here for my eggs.

My dirty underwear are there. - says Hamish and shows me how he rubs sheets of shedded scales between his ankles there on the pink bathroom rug that I place for him on the bedroom floor, that he sheds his scales on
And that is ok. You are welcome here. And, I have given you that rug to keep as your own. I love you Turtle. - me

The deep connection, what is it? Between Turtle Dragon and woman? How do we understand one another, or is there a great misunderstanding? I enjoy and cherish his company, and he comes to my rescue whenever I am sad.

There are no more things on the television. - Hamish, about the tv being blank now
That is right. The programs are over. Did you want to see more television? - me
I wanted to see them burn it. - Hamish about the ending scene in the movie Storage 24, when the aliens have burned down the city
No more movies tonight, Dragon. We are going to sleep soon. Then you can be... watching me sleep I guess. - me
I have them here. - Hamish about his shedded scales and about them being like dirty used underwear, which is how he thinks of them
That is alright, Dragon. I have given you that rug to keep as yours. - me
We are watching more films with you. - Dragon says and his eyelids are closing in a Dragon's smile, so he must like seeing movies
We will see more movies, another day. I will see Harry Potter too. - me
Hamish thinks about the closing scene with the city burning, and his eyes are closing because he is smiling about the scene.
Does that scene make you happy? Why do you smile with your eyes when you see it? - me
I can't presume to know always why his eyes close. It could mean more than just smiles.

I was not dangerous, I said. - Hamish in other language

When Hamish's eyelids close it means that he is smiling. But he has also closed his eyes sometimes when he wants me to be happy. When he wants me to be ok. So could be that this time his eyes smiled because he didn't want me to be scared that the city was burning. "I was not dangerous, I said", means that he was smiling with his eyes to show me that he is safe.

Thank you Hamish. *I love you, Turtle Sock.* - me
I have no more feet here. - Hamish says and shows me that his red duck feet are now not standing on the pink bathroom rug, but next to it
I love you Hamish. I have never loved anyone like this before. - me, and now his eyelids are smiling again

Every nudge, every twitch, every breath and every thought of that Dragon lives in me.

I have my dirty underwear there! - says Hamish and points to the pink rug, where he keeps his shedded white scales
That is fine, Dragon. You may keep them there. I won't disturb your scales. You are welcome here, thank you Hamish. - me
I wanted to show you my shedding! - Hamish, delighted not angry
I have seen your shedding. - me
I also placed them there. - says Hamish and shows me a mental image pointing to the bath tub
Yes. You may do as you wish. I love you. - me

The person I have found in him. It is a discovery like when you look into the eyes of a dog and you sense that there is someone there. And how you get to know the unique distinct character and personality, soul, of a cat or a dog and they cease to be "just an animal" any more.

I have also placed them there. - Hamish shows me the place in the woods where he puts shedded scales and piles fallen leaves over them in a pile
Yes Hamish. You have shown me that. It is ok. You are a good Dragon. - me
I also wanted a purse for that. - Hamish, he has asked me to give him a leather purse to put his scales in
You will get a leather purse from me, when I have the money to buy you one. You will get a purse, but not today. - me

Hamish once wanted to give me money. I forget what the money was for, perhaps I had said that I could not afford a certain something. He then wanted to give me some coins that we had on the hallway counter. They were already our coins, but Hamish had seen them and wanted to give them to me. Isn't he sweet?

Hamish and me. Me and Hamish. Red scales, dragon turtleshell hump back, and a tail. Orange blunt bumps on his arms, that sometimes rupture, and ooze a neon orange sticky liquid that glows in the dark and makes him "feel" like Hamish. Scales, dragon breath, and the soft feel of his skin. Yellow Dragon eyes, and the way that he pulls me up in bed sometimes, like this morning when he said "No, mental agony", when I was telling the Thuban that sometimes rape can cause mental agony in a person.

What if aliens were more than monsters in the movies? If aliens had thoughts, if they had feelings, if they had soft flat duck feet that enjoyed feeling soft rugs so much that they lift up their feet and press them down repeatedly just to feel that rug over and over, making it look like they are running in one place. Or if they tell you that tomatoes are red because they saw him? If their dragon duck feet stand in flowerbeds just to see if there would be yellow flowers there? If he shows you plastic bags of snacks, with slices of livers and other organ meats. Or when he looks at you when you eat and says that his mouth goes over your food.

YES!! My Snacks! - Hamish got excited now
Your snacks. I love you Hamish. You can have snacks. - me
Where are they? - Dragon comes up real close to me and asks
I don't know. I don't have any here. Do you have snacks? - me
I have had them in my mouth. - bright fire engine red Dragon Turtle right next to me

If he isn't the monster that chases people down the hall and rips their heart out and just roars and acts like a big scary animal. If he can be soft and tender. If you find a person in him and he becomes the love of your life. If you have never seen a person so deeply as you see him. If you could close your own eyes and just feel his breath. If he is alive, and you have seen the life in him. If you love him so much that you worry about him when he is gone. If you would live and die for him.

Stars twinkle, because Dragon Turtles breathe. At the far end of the universe, when you have reached as far as you can go, you find red scales, and a tail, and duck feet that stomp on rugs. I didn't know love like this was possible, and I don't think Hamish knows about it either.

I would incinerate myself and sprinkle my dust over Hamish and live with him. Be absorbed into his body and be carried with Dragon Turtle always. Go with him wherever he goes. I would defend him against all threats of harm. Take away anything that harms him or scares him. Tuck him in at nights when he sleeps. But he is a monster. He is as scary a monster as it gets. But I breathe through him. I see through his eyes. And I live in his Scales.

My color was not the same as it. - Hamish about the monster in the movie
It was just a movie Hamish. It - me interrupted from saying "it wasn't real". Hamish thinks to the closing scene of the movie where the city was burning, and his eyelids close. Either because he is smiling, or because he is anxious. I know that he doesn't like fire.

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