<THOUGHTS

Marry Me
May 25 2013

Lots of personal stuff

Just a recap

Things are coming together. Malik is visiting me tomorrow, since it is Sunday and he had promised to visit me on Sundays. Hamish has been red and talking to me about his sheddings and even started asking me to help shed him and maybe soon I will. Next week he and I are watching a Harry Potter movie, and Hamish is already excited. Dinosaurs want me to take baths, and not to eat any pears since the sugar would disrupt my DNA. Thuban wants to show me the hybrid children and to interact with them, and I go into a raging fit because I know where it is leading to. I am working on translating the second Orion Project book, called Noah's Ark. And a CIA (or something) man with blonde hair and black suit was watching me with remote viewing. "I can see you", I said to him telepathically. He told me his name was Clemens. Never heard of him before. And this morning or was it last night me and a Japanese got into a dispute about whether women should shave their legs or not. I had shaved my legs last night and the Japanese man said that women shouldn't shave their legs. I said that Western women in Europe and the United States shave their legs, just ask Olav I said, ask about their Russian women. And so it goes.

It's not just me anymore. It's me and a bunch of aliens, and human military and government men from Russia, United States and Japan. It's me and my eggs and twelvestrand DNA. Pleiadians and Altair people, the Ummite and Airship Admiral, members of the Board of benevolent ETs. Egg donor, sex subject, fertilizable, No Sugar, little hybrid children hiding in my closet thinking that I won't know, and being promised toys if they do as Thubans say. And a bunch of censored stuff I am not even gonna bring up here. Like all the naked Japanese men I am shown and have to have sex with when I am asleep and don't get to remember. The Russians taking me to their sauna having sex with me and I am only told about it afterwards. Captain Swansea thinking I am a jerk for not wanting to let the children close to me, just because he is a pedophile and I am not.

Hamish and me. Watching Harry Potter movie next week, he will love that. And I want to see him shedding his scales on that pink bathroom rug, it is the only kind of normalcy I have around here lately. Watching red scales and turtleshell hump back is what makes everything else ok. I look into those red scales, and bulging yellow eyes and all is well. Me and Dragon Turtle. *palate click*

Marriage

But what I really came here to write about, was the whole MILABS thing. When I was 14 suddenly I am spoken to telepathically by a man in a black suit. "We're not gonna hurt you" he says, and, "We're sending you home". Ever since then I was constantly aware of a man in black suit watching me with remote viewing. I had to get used to being stared at, losing my privacy, and not knowing what is going on. I called them the survey men.

Then there were the high ranking military men. They didn't do surveillance but they came in to check on things now and then. The team leader back then was Captain Michael Marsden, a nice guy who once took the time to explain a few things to me, and that really helped and I still owe him a lot for taking some of the confusion away. Some of the men were nice, like Tyler MacIntyre, who wanted me to call him MacDaddy. And others were not nice at all, Major Cunningham aka Agent Donovan Brown

Can we do anything to help you relax? - says one of the MIBs now
I don't know. I have never been asked that before. I feel very stressed out. How did you know that? - me
We see you there where you are sitting. - the man says
Who are you? - me
My name is not here. - the MIB
I want some answers. I want information. And a conscious abduction would be nice please. No more muscle relaxer! No more pills! No more drugs keeping me asleep! I want to see! I want to feel! I want to know! Otherwise I am drowning in not knowing! - me
Miss? Muscle relaxer? - MIB
Don't you know? They drug me, during military abductions. Don't you know anything? - me
Well, we didn't mean that kind of relax. - MIB
Oh forget it. We are dealing with two different conversations here. - me
We don't want to ruin your life. That is why. - MIB
That is why you ruin my life by not telling me anything? - me
You are going to stab yourself with that fork. - MIB
Why would I do that? For knowing? What is so bad that I shouldn't know about? - me

Your mind is not, yours alone. - MIB
What is with that jester? - Hamish about the MIB

Something is happening to me. And I don't know where I want to go. I feel hopeless and devastated, like plunging into a sea not knowing if I am going to drown or float, not knowing where I am supposed to be. Namely I am running into the arms of a MIB I guess you could call it. A CIA man.

No, you won't be our Dollie yet. - the MIB from earlier talks while shuffling some papers on his desk
Stop... invading on my private conversations with myself. - me
There won't be any more agents here for a while. - that MIB or General Patton
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! - me
Sure. - General Patton or the MIB, probably General Patton

On the 22nd I wrote down an awesome conversation with the MILABS. (MILABS stands for Military Abductions and I use it also to describe the men. MIB is men in black suits.) There is no way to recap everything, I am going to have to post it online. In it I come to terms that I am ... It is like in The Matrix movie. There is this other world. I am there in a hospital bed in the other dimension. But I'm here. I can't explain it. The men are training me to work for Russian intelligence. I am an alien. I am a science experiment with alien DNA. I don't belong to myself. And I am about to marry a CIA man and I don't know if I am going to be excited, if it is all a woman would dream of or if I should tremble. I do both.

I used to think I knew what kind of a man I wanted. I don't know anymore. I just know where I'm headed. I cannot think of any other boyfriend besides him. All I know, is the black suit, the way his house looks, the CIA symbol, the black car. Things like that. And knowing that I'm going to be in his arms, and be his wife.

What will come of me? I know that they drug me. They put a drug pill in my mouth to make me forget. My husband would do the same. Before they sent me to this man they sent me to a Free Mason boyfriend, who did mind control, hypnosis, and slave training on me. And when I ask him if he knows about the Black Ones, he says, "You know I don't talk of such things", never denying it, even when I scream at the top of my lungs for him to tell me the truth and stop playing games!

Where will I wake up?

Am I being crafted for someone else? Will my life align with it, or am I becoming someone else? Can I live for myself, and am I doing that by being there for him? I imagine myself living with a CIA man for a husband. Will he even love me? Is our love fake? I know I can love him, but will he love me? Can he ever?

No, you are not our Kittie, Pussy Cat. - seems to be Clemens who said

Beta Cat training for the MKULTRA. They are using MKULTRA techniques, to make me work for them. So that they can make me want to work for them with my extra special skills that come from alien DNA. Is it fair? Do I know of any other reality anymore? Can I want anything other than to be with him? And why does wanting to be with him, first feel like in its foundation like fearing him? How can I love someone I am really only afraid of? Will that love be real? And does it even matter, to them.

Hey, this is me and Suleski! - someone or Suleski
Hey.. - me

I don't even know if these men are real or if they are reptilians under disguise. Do I even know anything? Will I ever know? Can I be myself, in my eyes, or do I become someone else, for someone else? Why do I fear him, yet know that we will be together? Will he be faithful to me, can he love someone like me? Because they have said that they won't. I lose myself, and then I cling to them even further, because they are the only ones who can give me back. I am lost with them, and so I linger with them because I cannot leave myself behind. They take me and keep me and I am reduced to nothing, to something I will have to do for them, as an agent remote viewing or other covert stuff. Yet I am ready. To go there. I know I am. I am ready for it. It is a fairytale painted before my eyes. I know how it will act out. It will work out. It is the new me.

The new me. I am an alien. The men know I am an alien. Sometimes they address it directly and then it comes through, and I never thought they would know the real me. Does it come from my DNA? Or is it an MKULTRA alter? When will I ever know. Yet I become that person. Someone with green eyes, not blue.

Hamish is here. He is listening to everything I am writing. He is really thinking.

I don't want you to be encaptivated by them. Because you are giving us our lunches. - says Sock Puppet Dragon with his tiny little head of his
I love you Hamish... - me
I am not a Sock Turtle. - Hamish
You are my Dragon Turtle. And I honor your scales, and scutes, and I will honor, and tremble before your race. - me
I love you Hamish. - me

Hamish is the only thing that makes sense. The only one who might know me. I know myself in him. I can look at my red scutes and scales, red tail, and yellow bulging eyes, and know that everything is allright. That everything makes sense. My Dragon.

Going away

I am ready. To awaken. To be myself. I am an alien incarnation. I have always been. Somehow, it either comes from my DNA or from a direct incarnation instead. I am ready to leave this place, and be who I am with that man. He will support me. Will I have to work for them, doing remote viewing and other psychic stuff? Will I be sold to work for Russians, or can I stay with my husband. Should I be afraid? And why am I not? I now see one of the men from where he is. His dark dress shoes. Black pants, black suits. They have always been around me since I was age 14. Do they have a right to claim me for their own selves? They go home after work, but this has been my life for me. And will it be ok.

In this big mess that is the Agenda, I am their egg donor, and their MKULTRA subject. Beta Cat, mother of hybrid children, egg donor, friend of Hamish, alien human wife of CIA man. I know he is the CIA because of the CIA symbol I am shown all the time. He even has it on his mantel. Right now Hamish lets me see his face. He looks me in the eye, a face on a tiny little sock puppet head covered in red scales. His eyes with vertical slit for a pupil look into my eyes. "Hamish", I say affectionaly. Hamish does a palate click. Everything is alright, he is concerned

Noo, I said. - Hamish in the other language with the image of garlic
No, Onions. - me in English to Hamish
I am standing here in the hallway. - Hamish says in the other language

I want to be in his arms, my CIA MKULTRA trainer. I don't know who he is, yet. Only that it will be deeply important for me, and cast me into a whole new world. I was always the alien self. I think it is real and is not a "fake" MKULTRA alter brought upon me. It was always who I wanted to be, always. And now I finally get to be her.

The Queen Bee has decided. - Hamish in English, Queen Bee is the Queen Mother white lizard
What has she decided? - me
That we are going to leave you alone. - Hamish
Hamish, don't leave! Hamish! - me
Don't be scared now. - Hamish in the other language
Hamish.. - me
We won't leave, now. - Hamish in English
Don't ever leave me... - me
I am not your Sock Puppet. - Hamish
But you are my Dragon Turtle... Don't ever leave me. - me

My Sock Feet Kissy Puppet Dragon. How I could kiss those flat Duck Feet. Those red scales. The cute quirky comments that he makes. No, Onions! Yes-No, Crabcakes. Dragon Turtle, don't you ever leave me.

It will be alright. I will love him. And marry him. I am prepared. I know what his living room looks like. What he looks like. What our wedding day will be like. Where he takes me for a honeymoon. I can't wait to sleep next to him in his arms, in bed together... I have to get ready for him. I know what to do, and how to prepare. It will be beautiful.

Yes, the Dragons want to kiss you too. - Hamish
I think Hamish said this because he is concerned of my eggs, see if I intend on going to bed with someone then that is invasive to his terrain, so that is the reason he said this I think

Beta Cat. Not too bad. At least they didn't make me into the Puppet, but there is some of that also. I can tell you that it is safe, and harmless. When you first read about it it sounds scary. But it is the safest retreat there ever could be possible. All it is, is someone else shaping my life, but my life will be better than it would have been. Like someone upgrading my self and life, making it into someone better. My new life begins now.

I am not just "talking". I know this will happen. Because I feel and am shown it the same way my previous two boyfriends who were sent to me from Illuminati. The first one was a young man a Satanist whom the Illuminati had made obsessed with me. He was almost like one of those guys that pastes hundreds of pictures of a woman on his walls, that kind of obsession. He and I would have gotten married only I figured out some disturbing things about him and broke off all contact.

So then came boyfriend 2. A Free Mason D/s Master who did slave training, mind control and hypnosis on me. I was supposed to get married and have children with him, but I called that off too. Black Ones are now sending me to the CIA man. I was supposed to go to him already at Thanksgiving 2012, and then for Christmas. I was shown him by his Christmas tree hoping to have his Cat with him already as a Christmas present. But I wasn't ready for them. I am now.

This is weird stuff. Yet it makes sense.

We won't let you talk with a jester! - Hamish, I think Hamish doesn't want that earlier MIB man to talk to me, calling him a jester, and I think Hamish said this to me
Because they want our eggs, that is why. - says Red Sock Puppet
I love you Dragon. You can have all of my eggs. I will honor your scales and scutes. - me

He is being shown to me the same way the previous two. He will be here soon. I will show you wedding pictures once that day comes. It will be a beautiful love story. He wants to have a son with me. I don't have any children yet.

With what thoughts do I leave you guys who are reading this? That a normal life with some normal guy wouldn't have worked out for me anyway. It has to be someone who understands about aliens. It is a big part of my life, especially me being one. It has to be a husband like this. It will work out. Somehow it aligns perfectly. He is someone who not only knows who I am, but wants me to be that one. When with others in my life I have always had to hide who I am. I now remember the tape recorders, hahah what do you know! I now remember the dang tape recorders! When they used to put me in that small room during MILABS abductions and have me talk into a tape recorder that was on the table!

Always been this way, they have created a world for me. I am so much so many things that cannot fit into an ordinary world. Ordinary everyday people can never know who I am. How I have been shaped by knowing a Dragon Turtle.

No, the jester. - Hamish
What jester Hamish? What jester. - me
Hamish? - me
I will bite him. - Hamish, aha, about the MIB from earlier
But Hamish... - me

Now is when life makes sense. I am not taken away from something else. I am going home.

So, this is me. Suleski. - Suleski
Hi Suleski. What do you want? - me
He is my chew toy. - Hamish in my native language about Suleski, Hamish wanting to bite Suleski

So, don't throw up. But we don't want you to be able to do telepathy. - some CIA or something man
Why not? - me
Because it will disrupt with our offices. - the man says

I guess having alien people here on Earth is a trouble for the "intelligences" such as the CIA. Because we are able to remote view, do telepathy, and find out all sorts of stuff. It is a security risk. It is a potential problem. So no wonder they go through all this trouble, to find us, to confine us, to enslave us into Beta Cats with MKULTRA technology, to marry us so that they always know where we are, to make us work for them so that they know they are safe. But they already are safe. Benevolent influx of Starseeds can do no harm. For we are not corrupt by greed, we can not be bought, and we won't do what is wrong. But I don't mind marrying him. He will know who I am. I can't wait to be in his arms, to look into his eyes, finally someone who can see me, the Starseed me.

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