<THOUGHTS

Not Exactly What I Thought
October 23 2014

I have begged for awake abductions. I didn't think it would be like this.

I have been nagging at the Aliens for a conscious alien encounter abduction visit. They usually refuse me that. I have been nagging. Last night I got what I wished for, only it wasn't what I wished for.

I expected the usual worst case scenario, to wake up to my senses naked on my back on an alien medical table, with a bunch of my Aliens standing around me, there would be Zetas, perhaps two Dinosaurs, Hamish the Reptilian of course, with his back hump in display, and a bunch of little hybrid children lurking around in the dark corners of the room. I would have expected them to enter my vagina with medical equipment to take some eggs, to take some fecal samples from my rear, and to insert that thin plastic tubing down a nostril to vacuum suction out some of my stomach contents. And then maybe to walk around, naked, around some of the alien rooms and meet some strange alien and hybrid creatures that I would call my friends as they are part of my team and to see some strange things or to be asked to take part in some strange or sexual things with the Aliens. But that is what I would have expected. And it didn't happen that way.

Green Reptilian pays a Visit again

We didn't go into her vagina, huh. - Hamish responds to what I wrote

... I was going to say something to that, but hey, that's where the eggs are, so just leave it. So anyway. The Green Reptilian (if you read in news31.html you can see how this Green Reptilian showed up just a few days ago this October '14) was visiting again last night when I went to bed. Hamish told me about him so that I would notice him - but I had already noticed the green fellow - and it seemed again that Green Reptilian was Hamish's replacement here as the "resident dragon and egg defender", which they refer to as the "prison guard".

I only watched you while you sleep. That was my task. - says GR (Green Reptilian)
And, what did Hamish do while you were here? Did Hamish get to leave and do other things that he wants to do? - me
Sure, he did that, Yep. - GR
I was watching you, for the dominant ones. - GR means Zetas
Ok. And did you have a pleasant stay? - me
Like I said, I was looking at that. - GR about the tape player, *I will tell you about that later
Hamish reacts to that I write "GR" as his name and Hamish doesn't seem to like it.
... Well. It was nice to meet you, Green Reptile Man. - me
Sure, succulent. - GR, and he thinks of his mouth and food probably the little hybrid infants
I was watching that with you. And I wanted to know what was that about? - GR about the movie I watched the other day (read about that in news31.html when GR was lurking around. The movie is "The Compass - Secret 2".)
Well, it is about how humans can be successful if they apply their mind to it. - me
We can be successful too. - Hamish
We are the dominant race here! - Hamish almost sings as if it were an important part of some speech
Ok, yes. Dragons. - me
And yes, humans. - Hamish, "humans" in my native language (NL)

So, back to the story. Green Reptilian was here for the night as it seems Hamish has been too stressed out that my Sims in the video game The Sims 3 were still fishing for goldfish and lobster, not to mention I had eaten on a large shrimp sandwich that day as well as the day before. Hamish was too worn out from the distress. He thinks that the shrimp are somehow his little relatives, and he deeply sympathizes and cares for them. He imagines discomforts that the shrimp would have which aren't true. He thinks that their eyes are still intact and that they are living and alive and very aware. He thinks they are watching the inside of my stomach and intestines once eaten, and he thinks that their little mouths are touching and scraping against the inner lining of my stomach. It distresses him so, as if these were his little babies. I picked up these distressing thoughts and feelings of discomfort from Dragon last night, and then he couldn't take it being here anymore, and Green Reptilian was called in as his substitute again.

And Hamish deeply cares for goldfish as well as koi fish, he wants these beautiful little graceful animals that seem to have dragon scales of beautiful bright colors, to live in clean ponds. He was showing me his images of goldfish, and a red-and-white koi fish to show me its beautiful scales, he knew it was obvious I would recognize its scales to look reptilian. When he shows me his images of fish, I like to place myself into his images as if I were dropping down some brown fish food pellets into the water for them, and I say "Snacks". I have seen Hamish show me when one of the Japanese people he visits has dropped down exact such fish food pellets to feed his koi fish with, so I like to show that to Hamish, to not only be nice to his beloved friends and pets (the fish), but also to show that I care. I care about his love for the fish. But Hamish was stressed out and fatigued from all the anguish, so Green Reptile came here for the night. I don't know whether Hamish left the premises or not, but Green Reptile was here all through the night.

I wasn't left, no. I wasn't challenged by the fish either. Dob Dob!, they say. They say that to me. Dob Dob Dob! - Hamish, he is remembering how the koi fish he has seen, come to the surface of the water and open their mouths and he narrates it as "Dob Dob" and he thinks about the mouth opening on the fish so vividly that he even imagines as if his own mouth did it too, and maybe his mouth did, to copy it. Last night too he was showing me and telling me about how the fish open their mouth at the surface for him, he thinks they do it because he is there with them. Isn't he cute?
Beautiful fish, Hamish. They were beautiful. - me
They were captived, there. - Hamish
They had little eyes, to see with. Why did they not see that? The koi fish, were not stupid. - Hamish, again like last night he asks me why the fish (IN THE VIDEO GAME THE SIMS 3!) do not have eyes to see the fishing hook (IN THE VIDEO GAME!) to avoid it. There are places in the game, in China, with lots of koi fish that I haven't bothered fishing for yet, (YET?), and Hamish might be thinking that therefore those koi fish were not stupid, because they ended up not fished.

Now a Zeta is showing me a Mickey Mouse hand, that hand with what, three fingers?, and wearing that white glove and on an arm that is like a soft stick. They do that sometimes. In the Zetan "formula" for "how humans function", it says that "humans like Disney figures". So they think that if they approach or touch me and make me think that it is a Disney figure's gloved hand that is touching me then I should not only be calm but perhaps also happy. It might work with the hybrid kids. But don't they know that I would be thrilled to bits and pieces if an alien Zetan hand were to touch me! (And then, let me rephrase that. The Zetas are cruel, so, maybe not anymore.) But overall, Zetan hands are quite intrigueing, I don't want fake Disney hands.

We are not doing MKULTRA with you now. - says one of their dark creatures, perhaps the one with the pointy ears I will tell you about later in this page

MKULTRA is a mind control process which the aliens actually use in order to manipulate and control their abductees, as well as their hybrid children, with. It is like herding cattle, for them.

Or cats! Or minks. - says a black creature perhaps a Reptilian of sorts, meaning to herding cats or minks

Anyway. Green Reptilian was going to be here for the night. He asked me about our living room sofa, I knew he wanted to sit. I told him to make himself at home, and that there is no need to ask, he may sit down. Green Reptilian sat down on the middle seat of the three-seat, and I knew, him being a Reptilian, that he was going to be as comfy as ever and that he was really going to love sitting there. Reptilians love sitting on sofas almost as much as they'd love anything else. To them it is just an ongoing experience that fills their senses with comfort and fun, just to be sitting on a sofa, they love it so. He was so cute sitting there, that tall slender green reptilian man with a long slithering tail and no clothes. They're cute.

I went to bed. I might have said 'goodnight' to Hamish, and 'welcome' to Green Reptilian, and I went to bed.

Is it Mr. Stealthsky again?

Ok so who remembers Mr. Stealthsky? Whose name is of course derived from the word Stealth? Well, let me revise. March 18, 2013. Stealthsky, Illuminati Gangster, and Stephanie, under section "Batman pays a visit". Wait, Green Reptile speaks:

Do you remember he who was going to do some porn? - GR
Yes, I remember. - me
He was going to give you a kiss. - GR, who thinks of his own mouth as he wonders about what a kiss might mean
No thanks. - me
But! They are living here. Deep down underground, we have them. And, they are not always pretty. But we thought that you should like this one, given that as he has a long one. - GR
No?? No raped? - Hamish
No, raped. - me to Hamish

Ah yes. That's right. I had that dream where I was in a dark loomy bar and there was a man who sat down at my table and somehow I knew he was some kind of porn actor or something. (I don't even watch porn, in case some of you wondered, in case it is relevant to this "alien" situation.) The man was fully dressed and all. Anyway, I was going to dismiss that as a dream. Of course things in that dream were masked to seem other than they were, or interpreted by my mind as a bit of something else that they were not, well, for one, I did not know I was with some alien abduction place. I thought I was really at a bar. It just puzzles me that this would have had elements of an alien abduction, cause Green Reptile just brought it up. (We really need to come up with a name for Green Reptile, don't we?)

For those of you who wonder why there is so much "rape" and "sex", and now "porn" in my documentary project, remember how babies are made. I would much prefer a baby factory that treated it as a purely scientific venture, stripped from any elements of sexuality whatsoever. I would want the eggs to be cleanly and neatly extracted with a medical equipment, and fertilized by semen in a dish by an alien scientist somewhere in a far-away lab, and to have no contact whatsoever between me and the men who father these babies. Like going to a sperm bank, or fertilization clinic. Clinical, professional, asexual, is how I would like to have it. For the record, as I am building a record, I don't remember anything sexual from last night's escapades.

A Stealthsky visited in the other dimension in my room either a) last night before I fell asleep when I was in bed, b) if I woke up sometime during the night who knows, c) or in the morning when I woke up. I don't remember when the visit was, but during my last night's stay in bed. He is a black creature with wide shoulders and two black pointy ears that point right up above the level of the head like antennae. It's the ears that make it of the same sort as Stealthsky. I don't recall what we said to each other, but it was a visit.

Alpha Beta Zeta!!!

So now for the "meat" of the encounter or the "juicy" bits. The abduction itself and what I remember, that wasn't just a hose down my nose or some eggs extractions. It was horrific, I nearly decided after I returned not to write it down and to forget about all of it and to make every effort to get rid of the Zetas from my life.

You are our dog here. - says some Reptilian lurking in the darkness
Hamish didn't say that did he? - me

For the record, as I told the Aliens yesterday last night, Hamish doesn't call me a dog by the way. He acts civil and friendly around me. Which I love about him.

My Sock, turtles. - Hamish lifts his flat red duck foot and says in regard to his feet, he knows I love his feet

I was there vividly and clearly, and I remember it vividly and clearly. The Zetas made it seem like it was a human woman doctor with a white lab coat and dark hair doing this surgery. But I wonder if it was. Did the Zetas cloak her into a different guise? Or did my mind interpret what she actually was, into something more familiar and tolerable? Or was it in fact a human doctor? Cause the Zetas told me that they invite human doctors and surgeons to them to do work, and I forget what the incentive of the doctors was to actually go there and do this work, it was something that made sense and which even I might have agreed to had I been a physician. (The Zetas have always wanted me to become a physician. Which I am not.)

It was a baby. I can't say how old the baby was, because the hybrid babies seem to be grown in a vat of fluid and it seems that these are taken out, "born", far smaller and younger than the typical human newborn baby would be when it is born through labor. But to size, it was about the size and development that is less than the average human newborn baby that was born through labor.

Please, Miss, don't write about this. Didn't we tell you not to?! - a military man with black hair, frowns at me
Oh yes, I vaguely seem to remember one comment made to me last night that I should not write about this. - me
So, what's of it? What, then?! - military man stressed out
Well, ... how about a compromise? I write the next several paragraphs summed up into just one sentence? How's that? That's a big improvement for me, towards writing less. - me
We can't let people know about this! - military man in grief
Well. I don't know. - me
You see if these aliens know what we wanted to do to them. - military, to do to the aliens he means
Next, she will say, that you eat cows and chickens. - Hamish or a Reptilian (not GR), it is true, this is the point where I usually remind the military men that they eat cows and chickens too, only I had not thought of saying it just yet
.. So. You remember the war in Iraq? And why we had to have them? - military man with black hair, he bites his lip, he is sad
I remember now that you mentioned it. - me
SO, THAT IS WHY WE HAVE THEM! - military man, "them" is the war in Iraq
The man slumps down in grief.

So, guess there is a bigger situation at hand, one that goes far beyond *just* my own uterus and my own womanly thoughts and feelings about this. This isn't my situation to talk of. I am just a little part of it. Have we reached a point where I have to stop writing this documentary? Have I coalesced with the US military and defense POV? (POV = point of view) To where I understand, and agree, with all of their motives, for keeping alien visitation and activities a secret from the general public? Mainstream society wants to get upset with the military for their secrecy and coverup. But mainstream people often forget that military are people just like you and me, not to mention they are educated, informed, and trained, and above all their job and prerogative is to defend humanity. So of course, if we knew the big secret, wouldn't we then understand also their motives for secrecy? Even if it is irritating, that humanity would be kept from knowing about alien visitations?

So, look, you can't visit them anymore. Because, they haven't watch you remove your bowels yet, but they will. - military man in grief
It's ok. I'm not embarrassed, about bowel movements. It's just food remnants... It seems to bother you, more than it bothers me. I want to meet my alien friends. Stop fussing! They are my friends! - me
The war, in Iraq, was had because of them. - military man
I know. Someone said that to me. - me
We don't want, them to hurt any more of our women. We don't want that no. So the war, in Iraq, was made to throw them out. - military man, he holds his arm against his stomach, he is feeling very uncomfortable, he looks to have become sickly

Anyhow, I don't think my summing up might hurt things. So the aliens did medical experiments on that baby, and I had to watch, or I watched, I saw it I mean. What they did was they had what I was completely sure was for starters a male baby

My hunnun, she said! - a Reptilian hollers out, hunnun means ovum

It was a hybrid male baby and they did reconstructive surgery to change its genitals into female genitals. Or if I was mistaken, they were only doing surgery on genitals of a female baby, but I was sure all along that it started out as a male baby named Albert. It was very graphic and vivid, I saw the flaps of tissue being lifted and remodeled and then placed back, heavily-bleeding flaps where you have the skin and subcutaneous fat. The Aliens made sure I see the end result, which looked very stitched together and fresh from surgery. I can't forget the heavy bleeding. That body was too small to have such a major surgery. An adult body should be better able to handle such a major surgery and deal with the blood loss better.

But the part that bothered me was something else, or which bothered me the most.

Do you remember when you were a child? - one of the aliens shows me when I was 7 at my school outside in the yard during recess (it was Hamish)
And we took you to the gynaechologist. - the alien adds (it was Hamish)
I don't remember that. ... ! - me, I can't believe that they would have done such a thing to me!
We showed you them then too. - Hamish is who speaks in this paragraph, he means the female parts were shown to me

So seems that, or that should've been obvious, given since I am an abductee, that the Aliens exposed me to the concept of sexual organs, and perhaps also to sexuality, when I was at a young age. I then have to note that I showed no symptoms of such molestation in my childhood, for instance I had no pronounced sexual awareness, knowledge of, or behavior as a child, which if I recall correctly would happen to children who are victims of sexual abuse by human adults... I can't believe I am writing this, but it is Aliens. I was a recluse, secluded, as a child, to a great extent. I avoided contact with people and even with friends. I wanted to be alone as a child, and my life was centered around "aliens", the thought of aliens, of visits to the spaceships, of planets and space, it was all my life revolved around, and I shunned away from human civilization as a child.

As for my sexual expression and development as a child and young person, I was perhaps more late and less interested than what I figure is typical for a girl/woman. I had sex for the first time when I was 18. I could've been 16 but I chose to wait till I was 18. I don't know, what I am saying is just that I didn't show the typical signs of a child that had been molested by aliens. Maybe they molest people differently than how humans would. Maybe they do things to educate, whereas humans would do it to prey and hurt someone. I'm just reflecting on the impact of alien visitation by the Zetas, and pondering on what its effects might have been, and what those effects were not. It's relevant for the documentary.

Aha, I have an acquaintance who has a baby in the family and that baby's name is Albert. In fact I might have two acquaintances with a baby boy named Albert in the family, so that must be why I named it Albert in my thoughts. Because, when I woke up the Zetas told me the baby's name was Hannu. I asked about three times, the Aliens kept saying it was Hannu. (Interestingly, Hannu is also a Finnish male name. They have a thing for Finland, and the Finnish genes which I suspect are already all part alien hybrid in the population.)

I think I've known Hannu for some time, but I thought he was one of those chubby toddler baby boys, but the infant they did surgery on was younger and a tiny infant, so I don't know maybe there was first an infant for the surgery and then something else about Hannu, or two babies by the same name, the infant and the toddler.

What bothered me was the blood in the experiment, namely they had a pump for the baby's blood for surgery. Blood was drained out of its body, and after surgery they pumped blood back into the baby's body. I saw clearly and felt how the blood was pumped into the baby's tiny body, how it flooded into all of its arteries and capillaries until the body was completely maxed on blood space. I felt a horrible discomfort which I might never forget, from the over-filling of blood, the most horrific uncomfortable feeling of discomfort and pressure across the body coming from the fact that too much blood was being put in and all the blood vessels were bulging and blood pushing on the blood vessels with a pressure. I asked them to please reduce, and then they did. I felt that baby's sensations so clearly as if they were my own (via alien enabled mind link) that for the remainder of the encounter I fully believed that the body that had the blood procedure and surgery was mine, that it was me

And then, you have to talk about the milk! - Hamish pleased, "milk" in my native language (NL)
We pumped milk into your belly, then we gave it to the infants. So that they can be "pleased" too. - the Stealthsky speaks, he says "pleased" because I just wrote that about Hamish, he knows that
We pump the juices into them. Since we cannot give them your milk. - the Stealthsky says, meaning since I do not have breastmilk THANK GOODNESS I DON'T!

I will tell you about that soon, next, about the milk. So I fully believed that it was my body. And even after I woke up back in bed after the abduction, it took a surprisingly long time for me to realize that no, it had not been my body that had the surgery, or that had too much blood pumped into it. I had felt that baby's sensations, and seen the surgery so vividly, that it was as if it was my own body. I had to slowly remind myself that it hadn't been my body. They also did surgery on that baby's face, lifting a flap of skin with the subcutaneous fat attached, it bled a lot, and they reattach. It's very graphic. Fortunately I have some science background and I was going to become a physician, that is why it does not upset me so much as it would the ordinary person.

In the Morning

I returned to bed and it seemed as if the transition from being in the alien place and to being back in my bed was just two seconds. I marvelled at how quickly the "travel" went. Green Reptile was still sitting on the sofa on the middle seat. I was remembering the horrific gruesome surgery scenes and still feeling uncomfortable from the sensations of too much blood pumped into that tiny body, ... oh god I hope I can forget that feeling, but so far as of yet I haven't, it still upsets me and nauseates me, that feeling of too much blood pumped into a tiny body.

In our conversations, the Zetas told me that they let the babies be aware during the surgery done to them. I can't say whether they numb the pain for the babies or not, but that is an entirely different issue that we also discussed. I think they numb the pain away, but they keep the babies aware. I said it was unethical and that they should be unaware during surgery, like how humans do it. The Zetas want

This is General Patton. Aren't you better prepared for it then? - General Patton, for what?
And next, she talks about the milk! - Hamish, oh good, he reminded me, I had already forgotten to

The Zetas want the babies and children to see the surgery because they think it should be of interest to them what happens with their own bodies. I disagree. The Aliens reminded me when I had a certain surgery done on me, they asked me wouldn't I have wanted to stay awake and see it done? I thought about it, and said no. I was quite happy to stay under. (I was in fact aware for the last part of the surgery, I woke up when the doctor was fixing it up but I felt nothing and I was still mostly gone and not processing what was happening at all.)

I asked Green Reptilian how his night had been, "Have you sat there all night?", I asked him, because he was sitting the same as when I left him last night. He said he had been up to look around at things in our home at night. Of course, I said, I know Reptilians like to look around and inspect things, I told him. "Do you have any questions about any of the things you have found around our house, or is there any item that you would like me to take out and show to you?", I said to Green Reptile. Yes, he said, and showed me a mental image of a technical device we have in our living room. "Let me get up and go see", I said. He was asking me what it was. I saw it clearly from him, but had to go closer to have a look to be sure I told him what it actually was. Ah yes, it was the old tape player. You know those old tapes that have that black tape inside it, it is on one side of the thing rolled around and goes to the other side, and they always get messed up and jammed and you have to take a pencil to wind it back in there? No? If you are not old enough to know what I am talking about, maybe you should check it out. It is a nice piece of 1980's and '90's technology before the onset of CD's came.

I didn't see a tape to show him an example, but I told him it plays tapes that usually, almost always contain music, sometimes speech, for audio playing. Then I told him that this other one plays VHS and the other one CD's, and I showed him a few CD's, I said CD's have audio mostly music can also be sound, for this player. And Green Reptile continued to think his mental visual images of that tape player even afterwards in the morning, I picked up the thoughts from him.

Milk

I nearly forgot to talk about the milk. The Aliens inject food substances into my stomach. Then they suction those out in digested form via a plastic vacuum suction tubing which is inserted down a nostril and into the stomach. This digested food is then injected into hybrid babies and toddlers that were made from my egg, with another plastic tubing down their nose or mouth into their stomach. (Think mother bird feeding baby bird and it won't upset you. That is what I always tell to myself. Mother birds regurgitate digested liquid food into their baby birds. Otherwise this is sick.) So basically the Aliens are feeding my hybrid babies with my vomit.

And the Aliens always want me to drink cow's milk, which I never do. And there are many foods that I have that aren't compatible with the hybrids' sensitive or different bodies. Remember the chickpeas I had and the little girl kept vomiting it up after they had taken it out of my stomach and given her? Chickpeas don't work. But cow's milk does. So they gave me some milk, perhaps cow's milk?, last night, and did that whole procedure. They said something about the stomach of the hybrid young ones, that the food needs to have been processed by my stomach first before their bodies can take it.

What happens in the stomach?

They don't want you to eat gruel. But that is what we feed them with. Only the little ones get your milk! ... So don't say everyone gets it. - Reptilian, maybe just my Hamish

The stomach digests food. It contains hydrochloric acid which breaks down food into smaller pieces in a more general and unspecific sense, just to take bulks of food and make it into liquid. Then there are peptidases, enzymes that break down proteins into smaller bits. The food that the Aliens ingest into me never touches my tongue or mouth, it bypasses that part of digestion entirely, by being injected through a plastic tube down a nostril and down to the stomach. Starches and larger sugar molecules are digested in the mouth, by amylase enzyme which snips them into smaller pieces, and the mouth of course also does mechanical chewing which makes solid food into mush. So starch digestion is bypassed, does not happen. As for the digestion of fats, that also does not happen to these samples, since that happens later on in the intestines by the pancreas and bile from the gall bladder. The samples are reabsorbed by the Aliens from the stomach, and not from further along inside the intestinal tracts.

So, what happens in the stomach that they need to have happen for the food samples? They are mixed with hydrochloric acid and proteins are digested. Perhaps some bacterial culture from my stomach also enters into the meal? Perhaps some enzymes from my saliva are in my stomach and become added? Anyway, the hybrids are somewhere in between what humans are and what Zetas are. Zetas nourish themselves by soaking their bodies in tubs containing a liquid soup filled with internal organ pieces and body fluids, with absorption of nutritional bits directly through their skin. Zetas seem to also secrete their metabolic waste products out through their skin (which is when their gray-pale skin turns yellowish and they reak a bitter urine smell), as opposed via urine from a particular urethra (like we humans have it, we pee from a specific place) or solid feces. Zetas are like sharks then, that pee out through all of their skin.

These batches of hybrids then are in need of food into a stomach cavity, which passes through mouth and esophagus, yet their stomachs cannot handle untreated food directly, it seems. And it seems that this is only given to the infants and babies, to give them milk that was first put into mommy's stomach, digests there for a while, and then can be given to the babies, already digested and ready toward absorption. I still don't see why they can't do this industrially. What happens in the stomach is chemical. They can add enzymes, these are proteins. But, perhaps like I said it is also a matter of bacterial balance and other biological organic components that would be difficult to copy exact in a laboratory setup. Or, perhaps that it is just simpler to use this method than to bother setting up a chemistry lab for making this baby formula. The older hybrids are given gruel to eat, which has not been processed by a mommy's tummy.

The Zetas said that they won't be needing to do a lobotomy on me then. Since I was acting so well-behaved in the morning after my encounter experience. And they say they have done lobotomy on me previously. They say they also drug me with drugs and chemicals. They do these things to keep an abductee manageable. It is very invasive, and I'm realizing how much the Zetas will manipulate and abuse their abductee humans who live on earth just so that we can make their job easier. Zetas will even make sure that their abductees end up in a mental hospital or in prison just to make it easier to keep them in one place, but they haven't done that with me. They want us to do nothing in our lives, to not eat the wrong foods that disrupts with their work, to not have sex unless they think I should have sex with some random person. We are not supposed to have children, and then when they marry us to some other abductee in an arranged marriage they would - somehow I know this - get us pregnant with a partially hybrid baby in a way that we think is our natural normal child with that spouse. It is too invasive. It is not just a matter of that they come in at nights to get our sperm or our egg and then vanish, no! They are invasive, rude, cruel, selfish. I just need to get to the bottom of this, I need to understand, and then realize how I need to deal with this alien abduction thing in my life to make this work with my own life.

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