Yes-No Richmond

Written Nov. 29

I've been sitting here for a long time, trying to get started with writing this story, but you could say that I have writer's block. I don't want to write about it, I don't want it to have ever happened. But I know I am dedicated to this documentary, which I started six years ago, of writing down every aspect of my alien contact. But I don't want to write about this. I would rather want to stare out into the rain and dark that is outside, taking in the dark and the sound of water from the other side of the window. I could do that for hours, it would fill me with the dark and rain and void that I have inside, because my soul has been crushed. I have been so deeply hurt and violated, I am like one of those rag-like roadkill that you can find on the edge of the road, some animal that was run over by a car and looks all flat and like just an empty shell, yet it remains there and takes a while to decompose before it loses its grip on existing in this world, even though it is dead it stays there, and others just drive by, but it has an existence of its own, but one that no one notices. I am like a roadkill, and I do not know if I will ever recover from this. I am trying to get to writing what happened.

I have known that I am an alien abductee since I was 14 years old. The Zeta Reticulans used to talk telepathically into my head, but more than with words they would instruct me by giving me feelings from which I knew what to do. I was to lie down on the bed on my back with my arms straight to my sides and close my eyes and keep my eyes closed, the bedroom door should be closed and locked and the lights turned off. I would always obey like a trained puppy that is wagging its tail and eager to show its master that it knew what it had been taught. Strange pre-abduction phenomena would happen but they would never let me remember what happens inside of the spaceship. UFOs in the sky, a white mist on the floor that contains blue electrical sparks, the strange sensations in my body, my soul starting to rock inside of me, or the quick swoop that felt like I was pulled to the foot end of the bed in a split second, and when they would forcibly move my arms or body to position me the way that they wanted, it was never done in a gentle manner, but they were my Greys, and I talked to them and I shared with them all of the thoughts that go on in the mind of a 14-year old girl about life.

The U.S. military officers and surveillance people showed up soon after and I had plenty of military abductions which I could remember. Waking up somewhere else in the presence of these men.

I always thought that the day that I can meet one of these men again, I could cry in their arms and have everything fall into place inside me. Everything would be ok. But I don't ever want to see Richmond again. My world turns into darkness! And I am like the cold soulless rain outside if he ever comes back and I can't pretend that past is past! I hope that he goes away so well and properly, that it becomes so that he was never even here in the first place, last night not here, and never before in the past either here, because he should have never had anything to do with me. He should never have looked at me or raped me while thinking that I am ugly and that he doesn't like me. What kind of thing can save me now? How does something come along to undo it? How does the pain stop hurting?

I look at my Hamish. Deep into his eyes, I demand to see his eyes so that I can be saved. Big yellow round bulging eyes that look like the headlights of a car, with a brown vertical slit pupil. A tiny face on the end of a long tubular neck, no back of the head, no jaw, and barely even a chin, so he looks like a sock puppet. Fire engine red scales. I find comfort in him. I feel safe in him. I find my happiness again in Hamish. It is like when a computer gets a virus and all you have to do is to restart it in a setting that puts it exactly the way it was at a specific time in the past, and any changes and events that had happened to it are now non-existent. This sort of thing is possible with people too, when they look at someone that they really really care about.

I find rescue also in the eyes of the Mantid. Egg-sized and egg-shaped bulging black eyes covered by a thick layer of moisture, with one reflective white dot of light on each eyes. It looks like the head of a praying mantis. It has expressive side mandibles on the left and right side of the mouth, like large claws that look like they feed the food into its mouth and could probably also snip it into pieces. The side mandibles, eyes, tilt of the head, the antennae that look like made out of a string of round marbles, move gracefully at most times, so I know that there is someone there, someone who doesn't feel like I feel, so if I can look into its eyes then I can look into a good feeling and into a safe place. I can borrow its life, and forget about mine. I can leave things like Richmond behind, and look at the dark body of a large Mantid as its side mandibles open and close and it licks one of its forearms through the mouth, I can think about its body and forget about mine. Mine has been destroyed and discarded anyway so if I can look deep into the eyes of my alien friends, all I need is to feel them, to feel who they are, as aliens such as Hamish and Mantid go about their own thoughts and make their movements. Like watching the rain outside, or hearing the rain drip hard on the metal rooves in the city, I need to see and hear and feel something else strongly.

Everyone knows that aliens take eggs from human women whom they abduct and that those eggs are made into Zeta Reticulan-human hybrids which the abductees have to meet with when the hybrids are a little bit older.

Are you, talking about my eggs? - Hamish
I was talking about the eggs, and also about your scales and your beautiful eyes. I love you Hamish. You are my Turtle dragon. - me
My eyes, Yes-No. It has not been determined for you. And therefore I said that I would bite! I have now calmed down, I have relaxed, and I will sit down on the sofa. - Hamish, he thought about biting into my hand when he said the bite sentence

I don't want to talk any more. I could just sit like a black block of concrete listening to the sound of rain, having no particular other thoughts, being just content with being, and realizing that I will never be the same. I'm beyond sad at this point, I am just a desolate landscape.

I don't know if it's because yesterday I did something for the first time, I wrote to someone who is supposed to be a real and good remote viewer asking him if he would help me to find the military officers and men in black for me in real life. That is the only thing that I can think of that was different, that, or that the Altair man visited, which in turn could have also been due to my interest in hiring someone to help me find those people, but I got incredibly beautiful and clear mental images of aliens, so magnificently vivid in detail, I was enjoying every partial second of being allowed to gaze upon the Reptilian and the Mantid.

I was in my bedroom and the lights were off, I had gone to bed ready to go to sleep. I think the Altair man visited first, I will have to write about that on another page. I then saw super clear images of a Reptilian. It had three low crested on its head, crested is what Reptilians call it when they have a long raised ridge that spans from the forehead or top of the head and reaches to the back of the head. Some crested are taller, but this one had three very short ones, the middle one being slightly taller than the two on either side of it. It was a Draconian Reptilian, humanoid form, upright standing, with a tail. I saw him in such detail, but most notably were the scales. I have never seen Reptilian scales in such perfect clear detail, he was such a handsome dragon. The outermost outline of each scale was a dark brown border, then ranging from brown through to beige toward the inner of the scale, but on each side of a scale that had the overlap from an adjacent scale on top of it, was lighter with a creamy white like the reflection of light. It looked a lot like spruce tree cones. And I was able to see this handsome magnificent Reptilian in an endless perfectly clear mental image, uninterrupted.

I communicated with the Reptilian telepathically mostly by using English words. It often responded in typical Reptilian sassy ways, even if I say something nice to a Reptilian they can tend to reply with contempt. At one time he even laughed at me, I saw him raising his lower eyelids, I told him that I knew he was laughing. Reptilian sense of humor is most often sadistic, so when they are laughing at me it is usually that they are thinking of ways to murder me. If I recall, it even brought tears to my eyes seeing this beautiful magnificent being who himself is so humble about what a marvel he is in spite of the fact that Reptilians do think quite highly of themselves, they seem to lack moments of gazing upon themselves as poetry or as a work of art. Instead their love and appreciation for themselves comes in a more cocky and arrogant manner of seeing it as self-evident.

Written Nov. 30

So now I am back here again, having to write about the story. I couldn't finish writing it yesterday, so here we go again. The Reptilian which was of a brown beige color, with beautiful scales, where each individual single scale was clearly defined and visible, like a spruce tree cone, he was a beautiful sight, and he was sassy in how he spoke to me, which is typical of Reptilians. On two occasions I caught him thinking of ways of murdering me, and when I confronted him on it by saying something to the effect of "hey, don't be thinking of strangling me!", both times he would respond with "No, I wasn't.", he denied it, which implied that these thoughts of his are automatic and not something that he was consciously choosing to do. I am sure that those thoughts were his, so I learned a little bit about how their thought processes go.

I took a break from writing just now and boiled two eggs and made some tea. I find myself back again with writing this. I don't really want to write this.

So that was the Reptilian, I think he was a new individual, I don't know his name. Then I saw a beautiful Mantid. It is a large insect, like a praying mantis. Connecting with their mind and feeling their personality and thoughts is always a wonderful experience that I appreciate. Zeta Reticulans started showing me mental images depicting a Kermit the frog puppet, several times in a sequence, from different angles, and not just Kermit but the way that they show it, with the Reticulans expecting it to be cheerful, it then is cheerful, it really is. I was so happy to see it that I kicked with my legs in bed and I said "Kermit!". It is just too cute. And as I was being shown Kermit and I was cheerful about it, then I heard from an alien person who was in the room with the aliens, who said "Deb Deb". This is how they introduce the Dinosaurs to me. They don't want me to be afraid of the Dinosaurs when Dinosaurs have to come close to my body and do medical procedures.

Then there was a human man in the room in that other place together with the aliens. He had a slender build, looked to be in his 40's but could be older, a bit of darker Caucasian skin sort of on the golden beige tone of color, thick brown hair meaning thick hair and not balding, and I think brown eyes. I think his skin wasn't perfectly smooth, so he had a bit of a weathered look. He was wearing a brown military uniform, most notably I saw the hat which is the hat with a brim, also brown color, and it had I think three or I don't know how many five pointed stars in golden color on the brim of the hat, together with I think like olive branches in gold and I think an eagle with spread wings in gold also on the brim of the hat. One of them, either the man himself or otherwise one of the aliens said that this was Colonel Richmond.

I must have greeted the man by saying something like "Colonel Richmond! I know you! I've known you since 20 years back! How nice to see you!", something standard like that I can imagine.

I am now asking my friend who is a reader of my website and who also knows a lot about U.S. military, about Richmond, first I asked of him how does one pronounce "Colonel" because I have been pronouncing it wrong all these years. Then I described to him that Richmond had a uniform which is all brown, brown jacket, brown pants, and brown hat. I said it was like a Captain's hat and that on the brim were golden colored leaves, eagle, and one to three golden colored five pointed stars.

He says that the brown color means that it can only be in the Navy. Interesting, I never knew that about Richmond as to what part of military he would be in. All these years I have always assumed that these would be Army military, well because aliens are on land and, Army is perhaps the most standard one that I think of. But this year as I am digging into more information on these people, one after the other almost exactly all of them turn out to be either a Navy military officer, or if they are not a military officer then they are working for the Navy. Even those two who are not officers themselves, Carlisle and Aulis Greenshaw, work for the Navy. So Richmond is in the Navy too.

I ask this friend what ranks in the Navy wear brown clothes. He says that all of them have. How come all of them have, I ask. Everyone in the Navy can wear brown clothes or a brown uniform, he says. Now as for the hat, does anyone in the Navy have such a hat with a brown uniform?, I ask. Yes, because it signifies his rank which is an O6, that is a very high rank in the Navy and that is the Captain. If he has all that stuff on his headgear, he is a high ranking dude, a Captain, which is an O6 which is equivalent to an Army Colonel, he says. But Richmond is Colonel Richmond?, I say. Maybe he got a promotion from Colonel to Captain, over these years?, me. Colonel and Captain are the same thing in the Navy, he says. But you are sure that he is not in the Marines?, me. He says that Marines do not have the brown uniform so he is very sure on Richmond not being Marines.

I read on a list on Navy ranks. There is no Colonel in the Navy!, I say. Yeah I told you, he is a Captain which is an equivalent to Colonel ranks, the friend says. So if he has been calling himself Colonel Richmond all these years then that doesn't make any sense?, me. Colonel and Captain makes perfect sense, he can call himself that because of the equivalent rank, so if he says Captain or Colonel it doesn't matter, because he is the same rank, he says. If I had a Captain in the Navy call himself a Colonel, I would not have a problem with it at all, he says. Ok, I says. As for the gold leaves, eagle, and stars somewhere, leaves and eagle on the hat, and golden stars somewhere, what does that all signify, me. Ok so the golden eagle represents the Colonel rank, except in the Army the Colonel rank is silver, and I think in the Navy it should be silver, he says.

Me and the friend talk for a while and eventually he finds for me a photo of a military officer in a brown uniform with a Captain's style hat which has golden leaves and a golden eagle on the hat. I ask him but can they have a jacket with that, he says yes, and I get happy. Which means that the only iffy thing is why Richmond would call himself a Colonel when in the Navy that is called Captain. His clothing is consistent with Navy Captain rank, and Navy Captain is the same rank as a Colonel in other branches of military, so he should just call himself a Captain. But I am happy that the uniform made sense and exists.

The Reticulans then informed me about that thing that I have children that are hybrids and that are fathered with these men. First I got to see who I think was Jack, he had a white short sleeve buttoned shirt, his glasses were different this time, I was shown Jack naked, the aliens wanted hybrids to see Jack have sex with me there. All this time I was still in my bedroom, I was seeing another room in a mental image and in that other room were the aliens and Jack and later Richmond.

I was informed that Richmond too has children with me. But then we get to the disturbing part. I was reading Richmond's thoughts, and he was thinking disrespectful thoughts about me which were really very hurtful, that he doesn't even find me attractive and such. I mean I have to deal with being raped by these men, even though I almost never remember those instances because they don't let me be awake or remember, but to be raped by someone who detests me, that is seriously hurtful and does some serious damage. I mean normally when a man rapes a woman, meaning that the woman would have rather said no to that man, then at least the man finds the woman appealing and desirable. But a man who rapes a woman and does not find the woman desirable at all and rather the contrary, that did some serious damage to my emotional and mental life. He wasn't saying his thoughts out loud, but I knew what he was thinking, more than once.

I started to cry. I felt my insides and soul crumble and turn to black stone. I looked into the eyes of the Mantid and at the Reptilians because it saved me, because they are wonderful people that I care about. But I started crying, and I started saying "Kill me", then shouting "Kill me!" and "Put a knife into me, stab me to death!", I screamed repeatedly "Kill me!" "Kill me!" telepathically. I thought about stabbing a knife into my chest and into my heart, I realized how easy it would have been at that time to actually stab a knife into my heart, and I wondered what the pain would have been like. Because the pain I was feeling was already at this time that great. I felt as if I had been already stabbed with a knife and killed.

I felt the world crumble around me, and I was dead inside. My body had been ruined. A Reptilian who was not Hamish, approached me and showed me the image of the gray seed case of the poppy flower and asked me if I need some of that medicine against my pain. He thought that I am in physical pain, maybe even I was shouting out "It hurts" I do not remember. He meant that I should have a strong pain medicine such as morphine against what he thought must be great pain. He asked me if I was in pain, I said no and I explained. Hamish came over to me and laid his rigid arms straight across my body as he stood to my side, "Yes-No Kill me!", he said. "Yes-No", he then added. "Yes-No Kill me", I repeated to dragon, feeling utterly comforted by my tortoise, and at the same time I felt bad for having shouted into the room with aliens these things because I did not want to cause any distress to the love of my life turtle. So I tried to stop saying it.

I do not recall being taken into the room with aliens in a physical encounter. The next day, which was yesterday, I felt totally beaten and dead, tired and heavy. I noticed a strange psychological behavior had appeared in me, that I kept looking at my face in the mirror many times that day while I was at work, and thinking how I could not like myself anymore. That part is better today, two days later, but I still find myself feeling awfully heavy, tired, exhausted and lifeless. So much in fact that yesterday I bought multivitamin pills thinking I must be seriously deficient on important minerals or vitamins, and today I ate two boiled eggs thinking what is wrong with my body for feeling so utterly tired and lifeless, because eggs have a lot of essential nutrients and I normally don't take any vitamins or eat eggs at all. I now see a connection that perhaps this exhaustion comes from my mind and feelings, and that would be why no amount of vitamins or right food or resting or drinking plenty has been able to cure it.

I have been feeling today and yesterday completely weak and sick, my body feels aged and dying, I literally feel dying and I thought I needed some vitamins but now I realize what the problem must be. This only happened after the incident with Richmond.

"We won't let him say those things to you. Any more.", Dinosaur now says to me about Richmond. "Hush.", adds the Thuban or other white alien there.

Slowly and gradually the happiness and life is coming back to me, but yesterday I hated myself, I was dead. I will slowly start to forget the incident and go on with life as normal. Yesterday someone called me up on Skype asking if we could do another remote viewing session which he records when he gives me interesting targets to remote view and he wants to make videos out of those. I went ahead with another such recording but I explained to him and in the video that I was up half the night before crying and I explained the situation with Richmond because he and the audience are already knowledgeable about the alien abduction phenomenon. My voice sounded like someone who had cried, even though it was almost 24 hours after I had been up all night crying because of Richmond, my voice was shaky and stuttery, even though I tried my best to sound normal.

I think about it again, of how utterly hurtful it is to be raped by someone who detests my body, and a wave of pain travels across my chest and then turns into a lasting block of pain that wants to stay there, only to fade away again in the same way that I am wanting to forget.

It changed and did so many things to me mentally, emotionally, and to my behavior. It killed me in so many ways. Yesterday or today Richmond told me, trying to cheer me up, that he is asked to sleep with other women who look a lot less good than me over there so at least I was not quite that bad looking. The night when this happened someone was trying to comfort me and talk to me, I forget who it was if it was a Zeta or one of the humans, and I had said to him to not speak to me unless they have a degree in psychiatry because they could do more damage. And Reticulans have talked to me yesterday or today explaining that they only need Richmond to get me pregnant so that I should not feel bad about the rest, and the way that they said it sort of made me feel better about it, seeing the whole thing as some sort of mechanical laboratory procedure which has got nothing to do with emotions or with things said or with the soul of a woman. Hamish of course has been nothing but pure comfort and reassurance, I look at that dragon and it reminds me of why life is beautiful.

I feel bad for having started to scream telepathically into the room of aliens. I never thought I would be one of those abductees that kick or scream at the aliens, but now I see that even I with all of my best intents, even I am just a statistic of one of those abducted human women who start screaming hysterically in the alien abduction room. A woman screaming, just another woman screaming. But they do not see what goes on on the inside of me, they do not see that I am screaming because I and my world is dying inside me, screaming "Kill me!" because a man has raped me who hates my body, is the dying screams just like of a carcass lying on the edge of the road that has been hit by a car. It is not even a creature that was tortured, it is the screams of a woman who is dying, it is the dying screams.

Continuation to story, see the section from time 10:41 PM about Richmond: Richmond.